lofty acres

Meet Mary Scraggs

2009-03-29T06:59:00.000-07:00

My name is Mary Scraggs. Or as most of my neighbors call me, Angelina Hole-y. They think it's funny to make fun of me because I have sex for money. But you would too if you had to live here in an old stinky trailer with no heat tied to the ground with a bunch of chains to keep it from blowing away. And why hasn't FEMA been called in here? Or a bunch of scientists? It ain't right for a place to be hit by tornadoes as often as this place is.

I bought a new electric skillet yesterday over at the dollar store. I seen Alison Johanson over there. Now you want to talk about a whore? Oh my god that girl gives it up to everyone and she don't even get no money for it. How I sees it is that whenever I have a boy over to my place he ought to give me a little something for his little something. And you know what I mean too.

And Alison drives a minivan. I mean what's that all about? She ain't got no kids. I'll bet she's got one of them air mattresses in the back. Anyway, I moved into Lofty Acres about 3 months ago and the people is real nice but you got to watch out from them scuzzwanglers that is selling the trailers cuz they tries to sell you more than what you wants and that ain't right. But the first trailer in Row B has some nice people living in it and they give me a couch. It's pretty stained up but I got me a blanket at the dollar store with a picture of Jerry Falwell on it and it's real soft.

I like to drink Jim Beam mixed in with my Dr. Pepper. But somebody has to bring the Beam cuz I ain't old enough to buy it yet. You ever eat them fried pickles they got up at the swap meet? Once me and Billy Carstairs stole like nine of them and then we ate them and threw up. But that might have been from the 12 pack of Red White and Blue we drank before that. I like Dr. Pepper without the Jim Beam too. I like to buy them big bottles and leave the cap off so it goes flat cuz I got something wrong with my stomach lately and I been getting fat around the belly. Sometimes I throw up in the mornings.

this doesn't look like kansas

2009-03-14T21:19:00.000-07:00

no really, the right container now

2009-03-14T21:16:00.000-07:00

welcome to our new adventure in truly affordable living.

Barry got a little ahead of the game, we actually have a lot more than ten of these lovely water tight (close the doors) budget lovers specials.

If you can't save up for meal while living in these, then you're not tryin'. On the right, you can see some people have moved in and started ventilating these fine containers. You realize that the watertight guarantee is void when you make the first cut don't you? The cesspool seems to be the only thing growing in this economy. I told you to watch out for that kerosene tank, di

dn't I?

Still lots of color choices, and a free pet for all new tenants. Don't try to pet him, now will you? Remember the kerosene tank! Mr rearwhistle, I think we have found your niche, you can wake up with nature clawing at your front door every morning. Don't worry, he's just hungry. If you feed him he will go away.

ps. we hve a trailer security conversion package(you can lock it from the inside) for just $19.99 plus shipping and handling($50.00) at loftyacres com.com.con look for it on late night t.v.

the right container for you

2009-03-03T17:27:00.000-08:00

Dedders Day

2009-02-28T19:34:00.000-08:00

Today will be known from now on as Barry Dedders day. That's right, because today is the day that you will finally become a home owner thanks to me, Barry Dedders. We come by eight or ten old semi trailers that we are selling at bargain rates. Now, I'll grant ya they ain't got no windows, or heat or running water or furniture or carpet or cabinets or even a commode but they are big and cheap. Now we done had to park the lot of them down by the kerosene tank and the cesspool but if you cut a hole in the back end, or leave the trailer door open you'd get pretty as a picture view looking down Highway 9 and the flashing yellow light where it crosses over at Madison-Ridgely Road. That's the road what goes down to the Piggly-Wiggly and Mary Harner's LaundroCity.

Since these trailers were purchased with my own cash money I'm only selling them for real cash money. So get on down to the Chex Bonanza and cash them government checks and come on back out to Lofty Acres for a once in a lifetime opportunity. It's the next best thing to living in a missile silo or a school bus or the Honeysuckle Rose. That's Willie Nelson's bus. That's fine living there. These semi trailers will only be for sale until there ain't anymore left and that won't be long. With the economy the way it is this may be the best you can hope for. Or get one for your daughter's dowery. Or put your girlfriend up in one. Your wife won't dare come down here by the cesspool to see what you're up to.

So remember folks to mark your calendar for Barry Dedders Day and be thankful for the good fortune that I offered you today.

Whut ain't it a who's-it now?

2008-09-11T07:22:00.000-07:00

I ain't sure who is the proper and bonafied trailer seller for the "lofty acres." I like the sound of them chains, but it looks to me like Mr. Shortseller might be the man to talk to 'bout trailers.

I got my sight back today, so might help me a fair piece to have a look at what you fine fellars got to offer a young 'entri-pon-nuewr' such as myself.

I've got more frog-skins than I know whut to do with, so if that factors into the trailer buying equation at all... I.E. 14,769 frog-skins + 2 bags of *Smuck® = a brand new one-chain trailer. Well, then that'd be agreeable, as such.

abliged,

-Jo-Frank

*Smuck® - Invented by Ted-Johns Rearwhistle in 1894, Smuck® is an angry blend of "animal" meats, corn-mushings, tobacco, purified tree bark, industrial strength cheese, & grated bone-worms. Smuck® is a culinary delicacy in the small town of Bravemont DE, but is more commonly used to ward off werewolves in the southern parts of West Virginia.

2008-08-25T06:28:00.000-07:00

Hello!

C.D. Shortseller here!

I am the proprietor of this lovely living estate. Truly an adventure in mobile living! Talk about mobile; you should see these babies fly! Come on in and take advantage of our spring storm specials, we have some spectacular deals on scratch and dent, hardly damaged, and returned trailers(we found them where the tornado dropped them, and hauled them back up the hill)

All reasonable offers considered.

Barry Dedders

2008-08-23T17:28:00.000-07:00

Barry Dedders here. I sell mobile dignity. Well, that's whats I calls it. Owning yer own home is about the most dignity most of you bastards will ever know. Now I don't mean that you personally is a bastard, no siree. All what's I'm saying is that a person of your particular, shall we say, odor don't have a lot of opportunity to be sitting with the president in his palace. So I sells what's I calls mobile dignity. Some folks calls it man-u-factured housing but all houses is manufactured to some degree. And that's all well and fine.

We gots three completely different models here at Lofty Acres that you might be interested in. We gots the Waterspout®, that's the smallest model. It comes with one bedroom and one chain. What's the chain for? We'll get to that. Then there's the Typhoon® with two bedrooms and a rumpus alcove. It's got 3 chains. And finally is the top of the line Hurricane®. It has 7 chains plus the rumpus alcove and it's got an ice maker. That's fancy stuff there. The wife keeps telling me we gots to upgrade but I always say don't eat from your own pickle barrel if you know what's I mean.

So you can look through the brochures, sorry they're a little soggy, and make your decisions. Oh yeah, we only gots one Waterspout® in right now and it's got pink siding. But if you ain't opposed to pink it's a helluva deal. Just ring this here bell when you decide. I gotta hit the head if you know what I mean.

This where the words go?

2008-07-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

Well,

I figure I'd aught to introduce my self right off the bat here. My name's Jo-Frank Rearwhistle, I'll throw a picture up here, just for fair warning. I'm in the look'ens for a new spot, somewhere with a trailer big enough to house my and my fourty-seven... woop... forty-six various animals. I've got a snail, a silver back gorilla, some dolphins, a pelican, two canadians, mouses, a box of cats, and I'm working on some new species of my own.

I've moved around a lot in the past, and now i think it's time for me to find somewheres to settle down and grow some frogs.

Now, I didn't see nothen on the innernets here about what kinda trailers Y'all got for sale. And to be totally honest, I probly wouldn't remember if I did; I'm bleeding pretty bad right now.

So I guess what I'm aiming at is a jogger. And... Nevermind.

So I guess what I'm getting at is that I'd like o see what kind of spots Y'all got for rent there in the park, and I'd like to know a bit more about who my neighbors might be, and if they spook easy.

Wellp, I'm gotta go tie those birds down for milk'en.

Let me know Lofty Acres,

-Jo-Frank Rearwhistle

C.E.O. Gorlep-Truck Incorporate™

2008-07-16T17:51:00.000-07:00

hello and welcome to lofty acres

an adventure in mobile living